The Plastic Bag Ban In Oregon Is Bullshit

Starting on Jan. 1, 2020, Oregon retail stores and restaurants can no longer provide single-use checkout bags. They also must, in most instances, charge at least five cents for paper bags (with 40% or more post-consumer recycled content), reusable plastic bags (4 mils thick) and reusable fabric bags although restaurants may still provide paper bags at no cost.

This change was approved by the 2019 Oregon Legislature, which passed the Sustainable Shopping Initiative (House Bill 2509).

On New Year’s Day this year I went to the grocery store to get some snacks. I wanted to lay belly-up and watch football all day. The girl I was dating had just gone home – so I was free to eat chips, drink soda, and fart the day away.

I strolled up to the counter at Albertsons. I was wearing my best camo sweatpants, flip flops (with socks), and my salute to service Cowboys hoodie (support the troops). Needless to say – I looked very presentable.

The lady at the register began to ring up my items. Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles. A six pack of Mini Cokes (I drank all six – but I feel better about it because they are smaller). Last but not least, a slice of chocolate cake.

The checkout lady gave me a look.

“Plastic please.” I said with a smile.

“We don’t do plastic anymore.” The vicious cunt at checkout scowled through the side of her mouth.


“You can buy one of our reusable bags for a dollar – or this larger one for five dollars.”

“What do you have for normal people?”

“Well, I can give you a paper bag for five cents.”

“Yeah just do that.”

And with that, the VCaC (vicious cunt at checkout) began to jam shit into that paper bag as violently as she could.

I guess the point is – people in Portland need to lighten up. I obviously was unaware that this bag thing was taking place. I did not have a plan for my groceries. Instead of being awful about it, maybe just start to use a paper bag and charge me for it without asking.

I am NEVER EVER going to remember to bring a reusable bag to the grocery store. If I were to buy a bag for a dollar, or five dollars, it would just sit in the trunk of my car until the end of time.

– Buzz

UPDATE: Today I went to the same store and they sold me a reusable plastic bag for ten cents. I may not make a ton of money as a teacher, but I will never be such a poor that I reuse my plastic bag.

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