The Official Hefty Headlines 2020 Mock Draft

1. Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow – QB – LSU

Joe Burrow is going to be the next Carson Palmer. Perfect fit for the Bengals.

2. Washington Redskins – Tua Tagovailoa – QB – Alabama

The Redskins could surprise some people here. Ron Rivera is new in town, Dwayne Haskins may not be who he wants to build a future around.

3. Detroit Lions – Justin Herbert – QB – Oregon

Matthew Stafford is aging. Justin Herbert is going to follow in Joey Harrington’s footsteps.

4. NY Giants – Chase Young – DE – Ohio State

The Giants have the best player in the draft fall into their lap at #4.

5. Miami Dolphins – Derrick Brown – DT – Auburn

Boring pick here at #5 for a defensive minded head coach.

6. LA Chargers
– Jordan Love – QB – Utah State

The Chargers sit here at #6 and grab the best QB prospect out of Utah State since Bob Gagliano.

7. Carolina
Panthers – Jeff Okudah – CB – Ohio State

This seems like a pick for a team to make at #7.

8. Arizona Cardinals – CeeDee Lamb – WR – Oklahoma

Kyler gets one of his former teammates to pair alongside Larry Fitzgerald.

9. Jacksonville – Isaiah Simmons – LB – Clemson

Sure, why not? The Jags can build a solid defense around Josh Allen and Isaiah Simmons.

10. Cleveland – Mekhi Becton – OT – Louisville

11. NY Jets
– Tristan Wirfs – OT – Iowa

12. Las Vegas
Raiders – Yetur Gross-Matos – DE – Penn State

Mayock and Gruden try to outsmart everyone with another reach in the first round of the draft. They fall in love with the story from “this guy”.

13. San Francisco f/IND – Henry Ruggs III – WR – Alabama

The 49ers add another weapon to their offense.

14. Tampa Bay
BuccaneersJ.K. Dobbins – RB – Ohio State

This seems to be the only piece missing from their skill positions. Dobbins showed that he can be an every down back at Ohio State.

15. Denver
Broncos – Andrew Thomas – OT – Georgia

16. Atlanta
Falcons – C.J. Henderson – CB – Florida

17. Dallas Cowboys – Jedrick WIlls Jr. – OT – Alabama

The only thing the Cowboys are good at drafting in the first round is offensive lineman. I hope that they play it safe here. (Or trade Dak to the Dolphins for three first round picks and then draft a QB in the first round)

18. Miami Dolphins f/PIT
K’Lavon Chaisson – LB – LSU

19. Las Vegas Raiders f/CHI
– Jalen Hurts – QB – Oklahoma

Mayock and Gruden get a QB to build around – they love how “this guy” plays the game.

20. Jacksonville Jaguars f/LAR
Jerry Jeudy – WR – Alabama

The next Justin Blackmon in Jacksonville.

21. Philadelphia
Eagles – Justin Jefferson – WR – LSU

The next Jeremy Maclin in Philly.

22. Minnesota Vikings f/BUF
– Javon Kinlaw – DT – South Carolina

23. New England Patriots – Jacob Eason – QB – Washington

Woah! The 6th QB taken in the first round of this draft.

24. New Orleans
Saints – Xavier McKinney – S – Alabama

25. Minnesota Vikings – Austin Jackson – OT – USC

26. Miami Dolphins f/HOU – Jake Fromm – QB – Georgia

The Dolphins forgot to keep up with the run on QBs. They take Fromm and hope he can return to his QB1 form.

27. Seattle
Seahawks – Patrick Queen – LB – LSU

28. Baltimore Ravens – Tee Higgins – WR – Clemson

The next…Derrick Mason.

29. Tennessee Titans – Josh Jones – OT – Houston

30. Green Bay
Packers – Jaylon Johnson – CB – Utah

31. San Francisco
49ers – Brandon Aiyuk – WR – Arizona State

The 49ers draft their second WR in the first round and I am running out of ideas.

32. Kansas City
Jonathan Taylor – RB – Wisconsin

Jonathan Taylor is a stud.

Are the San Francisco Giants Tanking Their 2020 Season In Hopes of Landing Trevor Lawrence In The 2021 Draft?

A few weeks ago I tweeted the following question:

Initially I asked this in a joking manner. Obviously there is nothing serious about this. Trevor Lawrence plays football – he doesn’t play baseball.

I did not receive a response. Was it because my 19 followers were busy at work – unable to engage? Was this simply too abstract of an idea for people to pay attention to?

The more likely thought is that I uncovered the secret plans of Farhan Zaidi and the San Francisco Giants front office.

It is no secret that the Giants are re-building their minor league system and hoping to acquire assets. They recently traded for a washed-up Zach Cosart and his $12M salary just to get a prospect. They then released Cosart – willing to pay him $12M in 2020 to not play baseball for the club.

Go with me here. Farhan is looking to acquire talent and value – no matter the cost. Is there a more valuable asset than the #1 pick in the 2021 NFL draft? I believe there is a scenario where the Giants and Zaidi could be willing to take on a bad NFL contract in exchange for the #1 overall pick in the 2021 NFL draft. The Lions are a good fit here. They have Matthew Stafford with a $135M contract through 2023. Would the Giants be willing to trade a PTBNL for Stafford and their #1 pick in 2021?

The next step is analyzing the value of Trevor Lawrence. He has to be the most valuable draft asset since… Greg Oden? Andrew Luck? Herschel Walker? Mario Williams?

Is there a world where the Giants can obtain the draft rights for Trevor Lawrence, and flip him for assets? Probably not. However – this organization is now known for their out of the box thinking – I’m just trying to keep up with Farhan.

– Buzz

Do The Giants Have The Worst Lineup In All Of Baseball?

*Kevin Pillar is not a member of the 2020 San Francisco Giants – This is a recycled image from an old article.

On January 30th, Bradford Doolittle wrote an article for ESPN+ ranking the best MLB lineups. I opened the link and scrolled all the way down to the bottom – anticipating the Giants to be the last team on the list. I was surprised to see they were in fact not the worst lineup in baseball…only the 5th worst. Here is a screenshot of how the Giants are ranked:

Obviously, things have changed since January 30th. The Giants made a few additions since then – Hunter Pence, Pablo Sandoval, and Billy Hamilton. Not that any of those additions truly impact this roster.

I decided to take a look at the other bottom feeder rosters – would I prefer to have any of the lineups from teams ranked below the Giants? Long story short, yes I would.

The Royals come in just below the Giants – but honestly…are they worse? At the top of the lineup they have Whit Merrifield, one of the best hitters in baseball. He is followed by speedy Adalberto and a big hoss in Hunter Dozier. Jorge Soler and Salvy Perez are joined in the middle of the lineup by Alex Gordon. They have Maikel Franco in the eighth spot – who hit 17 HR last year, good enough for 4th on the 2019 Giants.

This one is easy. I would take Blackmon, Dahl, Arenado, Story, and Murphy in a heartbeat.

Yikes, this one is gross. OK so I finally found one lineup worse than the Giants.

I somehow found myself at two Orioles games last summer – some of these boys can hit. Alberto, Mancini, Santander and Nunez put up solid ABs. Hell, Wilkerson can even throw and inning or two. With that being said, I’d still rather watch the Giants hit than see the bottom half of this lineup.


The Giants lineup is gross, but not the grossest in baseball. There are clearly two teams below them – the Orioles, and Tigers. I can safely say that the Giants have one of the top 28 lineups in all of baseball.

– Buzz


I have no idea what is going on with this ball club. From a baseball and organizational perspective I have no clue how this can benefit the franchise. I understand that Pence was a great player and clubhouse guy – but it is time to move on from the ’10, ’12, and ’14 seasons. If we are going into full re-build mode then it doesn’t make any sense for us to sign a 36 year old outfielder. Even if he is brought in at the league minimum salary – he is taking ABs away from our future outfielders.

The Dodgers – who already had better outfielders across the board – went out and got Mookie Betts. We brought back Hunter Pence.

– Buzz.

New Balance Is Releasing The Coolest Baseball Cleats And Flops

I was getting reading for work today and scrolling Twitter, like I usually do while I eat breakfast. I came across the following tweet from Darren Rovell:

My first reaction was “Wow, those are awesome.” I just think this is really cool – I don’t have anything snarky or witty to say about this. Gimmicky cheesy stuff like this is one of the many reasons why I love baseball.

These are a must buy for me – as some of you know, I’m a big time gear guy. As a semi professional independent league baseball player I try to have the best swag. Most of the time I am rocking un-matching cleats that I snag at Ross or Burlington Coat Factory.

I may finally have to buy a pair at full retail price.

– Buzz

Chiefs To “Chop” 49ers for Super Bowl 54 Title

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”

Semisonic – “Closing Time”

…classic words from Semisonic’s 1998 Hit Closing Time. Funny thing is that it has nothing to do with the 49ers and everything to do with Patrick Mahomes, Tom Brady, the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriots. The 49ers just happen to be the stepping stone…it could have been anyone from the NFC…doesn’t really matter. In all honestly, the Chiefs should have taken the step last year but Andy Reid’s loyalty and friendship to a 3-year overdue change in Defensive Coordinator got in the way. Irregardless, the Patriots won, the Chiefs lost and Belichick & Brady claimed their 6th (and final) Super Bowl Title.

Enter the 2019 Season. The Chiefs were fueled by a hate-fire that started in the evening hours of January 20th, 2019…and would not be extinguished (yes, this is predictive) until roughly 9pm on February 2nd, 2020. They played like a team who was looking ahead, they lost games they had no business losing (Colts, Titans, Texans and for the love of God a 7-point nail-biter to the Green Bay Packers with half of their Defense/O-Line out and Matt Freakin’ Moore at QB)…yet they persevered…eyes on the prize…one prize…a Super Bowl. The Chiefs 2019 Regular and Post-Season focus? Stay healthy, don’t show too much, keep the powder and emotions dry…be ready for “the moment”, the only one that matters…Miami.

This Chiefs Team is confident and has the swagger of a Champion. To a fan, it can be frustrating, even lackadaisical at times, but ultimately…when it matters…down 24-0 in a playoff game…these Chiefs come through with authority.

Fast forward to right now. The Chiefs are healthy, as healthy as they have been all year. They are hungry, starving to begin a new dynasty for a blue-blood NFL franchise that has lingered in the shadows far too long. They are ready.

So enough on the Chiefs…let’s talk about their opponent. I grew up rooting for the 49ers, I really have nothing against them other than moving to Kansas City and becoming a Chiefs fan over the last 10 years. They have a great story to tell…Shanahan and Lynch have done a fantastic job drafting young talent and building veteran leadership around them. But when I look at San Francisco this year, here is what I see (and it hasn’t changed since week 1): 3rd in the NFC West at 4-12 in 2018 gives you a really favorable 2019 schedule against other 3rd place teams (Panthers, Packers and Redskins). AFC North opponents: Bengals, Steelers, Browns? Yikes. NFC South: Falcons, Saints, Panthers? Good win against the Saints, bad loss to the Falcons. And then we get to the NFC West…what used to be a juggernaut of a Division is living as a ghost of past glory. The Rams are a talented disaster, the Cardinals are who we always knew they were (a 5-10-1 “meh”) and the Seahawks…oh the Seahawks. The Seahawks are who Russell Wilson says they are week to week. Always hanging, scrapping, clinging and somehow making it to the Divisional Round each year (but never truly a threat to anymore). The 2019 San Francisco 49ers are a product of playing inspired (yet overlooked by everyone) football against a weak schedule. Don’t be mistaken, the NFC Championship Game Packers are the exact same trash that they were in Week 12, no adjustment whatsoever.

Did the Chiefs lose to those same Packers? Yes. Were they anywhere near full strength offensively, defensively or emotionally? Not even close.

This brings us to Sunday. The Chiefs will be truly focused for the first time all season, at full strength for the first time all season…and fully “in-the-moment” for the first time all season. 

Will the following happen? Probably not. But take a brief journey with me and imagine…

The 49ers win the toss and elect to go on defense first. The kickoff…a touchback, duh. 1st & 10 from the 25 and the Chiefs come out in a tight bunch formation. With 10 seconds left on the play-clock Mahomes barks out signals and all of a sudden the Chiefs flex into 4-wide…Mecole Hardman and Tyreek Hill streak out to opposite sidelines, Travis Kelce and Sammy Watkins move into the slots and a fully-rested Shady McCoy stands next to Mahomes in the shotgun. The 49ers defense scrambles in multiple directions…clearly confused. 4…3…2… the ball is snapped. Hill and Hardman streak straight down the sidelines, taking both corners and safeties with them. Watkins hits 15 yards straight ahead and then bursts towards the middle of the field, sucking 2 linebackers with him. Kelce drags 10 yards across the middle taking another linebacker with him. Mahomes drops an additional 5 yards after receiving the snap…looking deep…waiting…waiting. The 49ers 4-man pass rush does it’s job, breaking through the Chiefs line with ease.

Just when it’s going to be a “lights-out” sack on the first play of the game, Mahomes gently lofts the ball over the fearsome 49ers pass rush, to a patiently waiting Shady McCoy…my God…a Screen! With a full line of massive Chiefs in front of him, Shady weaves ahead 50 yards to the 49ers 25-yard line before tripping over himself (like he always does). 1st & 10. Shanahan looks across the field at Andy Reid in disbelief. Andy looks back, give him the “Suck it” sign, and calls his next play.

Chiefs 41
49ers 17

A new dynasty begins…
– Tommy Nuggets

My Dad Pulled The Most Alpha Move Of All Time

Boys night – I went to the movies with my brother and my dad. We saw 1917 – a war movie – duh. We got our concessions, and used the the priority line at the AMC. Nobody was in the regular line, but if I’m paying for it, I’m using it.

My dad is a big time popcorn guy. You want butter sir? Lots. He’s also a salt guy too. AMC has done this thing where they no longer have the salt packets and the napkin/salt counter. They just have salt shakers. This AMC theater only has three shakers out at a given time.

Most people use the shaker at the counter and head into the theater. Then they get halfway through their bucket of popcorn and wish they had more salt. My dad is a problem solver. He walks over to the counter and takes an entire salt shaker and heads towards theater 8.

My brother said, “What are you doing – taking the whole thing? There are only three.”

My dad said, “not my problem – they should have packets.”

My brother looked at me and said, “that’s the most baller move ever.”

Three ballers seeing a war movie. Doing boy things. Stealing salt shakers.

– Buzz

The Post-Apocalyptic Super Bowl Nightmare-Fuel Doomsday-Scenario That We Are Facing

Imagine if you will – the scariest Super Bowl imaginable.

In the clip above, Owen Wilson is describing an armageddon-inducing meteor. To me – he may as well be describing a Texans vs Packers Super Bowl. With eight teams left in the 2020 NFL playoffs, this is becoming a realistic possibility. We can’t let this happen. I won’t let this happen.

Picture this – Green Bay Packers vs Houston Texans – Super Bowl 54 – Miami – Joe Buck – Troy Aikman – JJ Watt and Aaron Rodgers, mic’d up. Dear God.

I simply refuse to go through two weeks of these two teams at the center of the media spotlight come Super Bowl time. What can we do about this? How do we stop this from happening?

This weekend, I am all in on the Chiefs against the Texans.

And…gulp…I never thought I would say this…let’s hope the Seahawks can take down the Packers.

It is up to Russell Wilson and Patrick Mahomes to stop an Armageddon from happening.

– Buzz

The Plastic Bag Ban In Oregon Is Bullshit

Starting on Jan. 1, 2020, Oregon retail stores and restaurants can no longer provide single-use checkout bags. They also must, in most instances, charge at least five cents for paper bags (with 40% or more post-consumer recycled content), reusable plastic bags (4 mils thick) and reusable fabric bags although restaurants may still provide paper bags at no cost.

This change was approved by the 2019 Oregon Legislature, which passed the Sustainable Shopping Initiative (House Bill 2509).

On New Year’s Day this year I went to the grocery store to get some snacks. I wanted to lay belly-up and watch football all day. The girl I was dating had just gone home – so I was free to eat chips, drink soda, and fart the day away.

I strolled up to the counter at Albertsons. I was wearing my best camo sweatpants, flip flops (with socks), and my salute to service Cowboys hoodie (support the troops). Needless to say – I looked very presentable.

The lady at the register began to ring up my items. Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles. A six pack of Mini Cokes (I drank all six – but I feel better about it because they are smaller). Last but not least, a slice of chocolate cake.

The checkout lady gave me a look.

“Plastic please.” I said with a smile.

“We don’t do plastic anymore.” The vicious cunt at checkout scowled through the side of her mouth.


“You can buy one of our reusable bags for a dollar – or this larger one for five dollars.”

“What do you have for normal people?”

“Well, I can give you a paper bag for five cents.”

“Yeah just do that.”

And with that, the VCaC (vicious cunt at checkout) began to jam shit into that paper bag as violently as she could.

I guess the point is – people in Portland need to lighten up. I obviously was unaware that this bag thing was taking place. I did not have a plan for my groceries. Instead of being awful about it, maybe just start to use a paper bag and charge me for it without asking.

I am NEVER EVER going to remember to bring a reusable bag to the grocery store. If I were to buy a bag for a dollar, or five dollars, it would just sit in the trunk of my car until the end of time.

– Buzz

UPDATE: Today I went to the same store and they sold me a reusable plastic bag for ten cents. I may not make a ton of money as a teacher, but I will never be such a poor that I reuse my plastic bag.

Do Not Worry Giants Fans: Chris Shaw Likes Gabe Kapler

This has been a tough offseason to be a fan of the San Francisco Giants. Bruce Bochy retired. We lost Madison Bumgarner to the Diamondbacks. Our front office has not made a single significant addition to the major league roster.

Today – the tweet above came across my timeline. Chris Shaw, a forever prospect for the Giants organization, is excited about the direction the organization is heading under Gabe Kapler.

Why is Chris Shaw meeting with Gabe Kapler? The 26 year old outfielder was 1/18 last year and is 11/72 on his career. There is no world where Chris Shaw should be in Gabe Kapler’s plans.

*Screenshot from

The depth chart above is what we are currently looking at to start the season. This is not a competitive roster.

Don’t worry though, Chris Shaw likes our direction.

– Buzz