Mariners Fans: Don’t Let The Nostalgia Distract You – Your Front Office Doesn’t Have To Field A Competitive Team This Season

There is a perfect storm of events coming to Seattle this baseball season. These events will distract Mariners fans from noticing the lack of success they will have in 2019, and how poorly their front office is running their squad:
Edgar is now a “Hall of Famer”
Ichiro has been re-signed and will play with the team in Japan
– At some point Felix will finally fall apart, and his retirement tour will start

Offseason Moves

Before we get into the season, let’s take a look at the notable offseason moves so far. To me, the following list resembles what I would do if I were starting a Franchise in MLB The Show. I start right off by making a number of ridiculous and unrealistic trades. However, the Mariners have actually made the following baseball moves this offseason:
– Traded Robinson Cano and Edwin Diaz to the Mets for Jay Bruce and a pile of prospects
– Traded Mike Zunino to the Rays for Mallex Smith
– Traded James Paxton to the Yankees for a pile of prospects
– Traded Jean Segura to the Phillies for Carlos Santana and JP Crawford
– Traded Carlos Santana to the Indians for Edwin Encarnacion
– Traded Ben Gamel to the Brewers for Domingo Santana
– Signed FA Tim Beckham
– Signed FA Cory Gearrin
– Signed FA Ichiro Suzuki
– Signed FA Yusei Kikuchi

The most impactful move of the offseason is not getting nearly enough press. Scott Brosius, is no longer with the organization. You know, three time World Series champion – Scott Brosius. The 1998 World Series MVP – Scott Brosius. 1999 Gold Glove Winner – Scott Brosius. Five time Northwest Conference Coach of the Year – Scott Brosius. The man who coached Linfield College to three World Series appearances and a 2013 National Championship. Yes, the Mariners no longer have that track record of success on their staff.

The Nostalgia Tour

The Seattle Mariners have three players around that will lead to events that will distract from how bad the team is. From my calculations, this will buy them about three months worth of distractions. First, you have the Mariners opening the season against the A’s in Tokyo on March 20th and 21st. Ichiro will play. They can milk that for the first month of the season. They will get off to a slow start, but hey Ichiro is playing on the squad again and he got to play in front of a crowd back home. Next, you’ll have the Edgar Martinez made the Hall of Fame events. Mariners fans finally saw their DH get into the Hall of Fame. While I argued against that here, when you compare his numbers to other members of the Hall, Edgar probably deserves his place. There will be a bobblehead day, they will release a limited edition jersey with a Hall of Fame patch. After that, as the season is winding down, Felix will run out of gas and they will announce this is his last year with the team. They will be able to run with that for the last month of the season.


Now if I know Mariners fans, and I do, they love talking about the mini-success they have had in their history. They love talking about “The Double”. They love talking about the season they won a ton of games and then lost in the ALCS. The organization is completely exploiting the passion and loyalty of their fans. Luckily for me, I don’t have cable, and MLB TV blacks out Mariners games for me – I won’t have to watch the mess up in Seattle this year. However, I’m sure I’ll have to hear about it over and over again.

– Buzz

Mike Mussina And Edgar Martinez Have No Business Being In The Hall Of Fame And Mariners Fans Will Throw A Fit About This

Let’s start this out with some definitions. A Hall of Fame is defined as, “a group of individuals in a particular category (such as a sport) who have been selected as particularly illustrious.” Shit, now let’s define illustrious, “well known, respected, and admired for past achievements.” God damnit, let’s define achievement, “the process or fact of achieving something.” There we go.

Mike Mussina and Edgar Martinez did not achieve anything of note, therefore they are not Hall of Fame baseball players.

When I think of Hall of Fame baseball players, I think of moments, or achievements attached to those players. Willie Mays – the catch, Hank Aaron – rounding the bases after he hit 756, Joe DiMaggio – stepping through the paper 56 sign after his hit streak, Babe Ruth – swinging in that old timey video where you can kind of see his massive dong, Lou Gehrig – the luckiest man speech, Ken Griffey Jr – being the villain in Little Big League. When I think of Edgar Martinez and Mike Mussina, I think of… nothing.

Nothing comes to mind when I think of those players. I know Edgar was a good hitter. I’m pretty sure Mike Mussina was consistently OK.

Neither player won anything. Edgar Martinez played for 18 years and won a couple playoff series. Mike Mussina played for the Yankees for 8 years in the 2000’s and somehow didn’t win a World Series. He showed up immediately after they won three straight, only to leave before the Yankees won it all in ’09. For me, to be considered one of the best players of all time, you would need to make a more significant impact on a franchise than what those to players were able to do.

Mike Mussina never won any major awards. He placed 2nd in Cy Young voting one time, in 1999. He was an all star 5 times in his 18 year career. He was one of the best players in his league less than 1/3 of the years he pitched in the major leagues.

Edgar Martinez never won any major awards. He placed 3rd in MVP voting once, in 1995. He was an all star 7 times in his 18 year career, a little over 1/3 of the years he played in the Major Leagues. Oh wait, he was the recipient of the Edgar Martinez Award 5 times. My bad. He also was primarily a DH and never even played a full 162 game season.

Yes, both players were pretty good at baseball. Yes, they are better than most to have played the game. But are they among the best of all time? Were they icons that changed the game? No, not even close.

– Buzz

The San Francisco Giants Need To Sign Bryce Harper and Manny Machado

As a lifelong Giants fan, I have been with the team through their ups and downs. I was born right before the Battle of the Bay in 1989. I was kind of watching at an awkward middle school house party in 2002 when they lost to the Angels. I was at Game 1 of the World Series scared out of my mind after seeing Vladimir Guerrero peppering balls off of the right field bleachers in BP, only to see Juan Uribe drive one deep into the night to secure the win. Then they won again in 2012. And again in 2014. And then…nothing.

Baseball is changing. It is an offensive game now. Launch angle is a thing. More teams are hitting more and more home runs. We are not. Since our last World Series victory, our team leaders in home runs have been:
– Evan Longoria – 16 HR – 2018
– Brandon Belt – 18 HR – 2017
– Brandon Belt – 17 HR – 2016
– Brandon Crawford – 21 HR – 2015

To put things in perspective, Evan Longoria had as many home runs in 2018 as I had touchdowns my senior year of high school. What does that have to do with this? Nothing. However, I will always brag about how many touchdowns I scored that year.

When I watch a baseball game, I enjoy watching players hit home runs. Specifically, I like my team hitting home runs. We have not had a great offense in a while. This is our chance to buy an offense.

Many Giants fans will argue against signing Harper, or Machado, or both. Most will say that they are too expensive. My questions is…who cares? It isn’t my money, it isn’t your money. If the Giants sign Harper and Machado, that would make for an exciting offense on paper (and on TV).

At our current rate, we do not project to be a competitive team in the near future. Our stars are getting older, and our farm system is weak. We have many bad contracts. Let’s duct tape this thing together, spend a few hundred million dollars, and see what happens.

– Buzz

First Man? More Like Worst Man: One Small Step For Man One Waste Of Two Hours For Me

I was so excited to see First Man. I love movies about space. Whether they are biographical or realistic fiction, I tend to buy into whatever it is and enjoy the heck out of it. Interstellar, Apollo 13, Passengers, Life, The Martian, Armageddon; all space movies that I have enjoyed watching in the last few years. To have a movie come out, a biopic, about the first man to walk on the moon (Oh damn, that’s where they got the title from), it is pretty needless to say I was intrigued.

However, this movie was TERRIBLE. I never say that. I will watch pretty much anything made after 1998. I have seen Sahara at least five times and will watch that over and over again. This movie wasn’t even as good as Sahara. Gosling portrayed a depressed man without a personality. I do not even care if that is what Neil Armstrong was like as a person. I don’t want to watch that shit for two hours.

This movie had all of the pieces to be a really enjoyable film. You had the guy from Orange is the New Black with the mustache, Marnie’s first boyfriend from Girls, the bald bad guy from Ant Man, the main guy from the second planet of the apes in the current universe of apes movies, coach from Friday Night Lights (TV Show), and a guy that looks like the yelling army guy from Full Metal Jacket. That is a recipe for a super fun action packed space movie. There should have been fun training montages. There should have been guys goofing around. All of these actors have been enjoyable to watch in some way or another. Instead… we get Gosling moping around.

If you think you might want to watch this movie at some point, don’t do it. You’re in for a few hours of one of the greatest human achievements of all-time being turned into a bummer of a story. Save yourself the trouble, go watch Sahara on TBS.

– Buzz

Kyler Murray To Spurn MLB For The NFL But Would Formula One Be A Better Destination For The Heisman Winner?

Kyler Murray driving a race car.

According to a source close to the situation, Kyler Murray’s number is $15M.

He wants big time money to stick with baseball, otherwise he will enter the NFL draft tomorrow.

The A’s are doing everything they can, sending their top brass, led by Billy Beane, to meet with him.— Mike Leslie (@MikeLeslieWFAA) January 13, 2019

Incredible news. Kyler Murray originally accepted a $4.66 million signing bonus to sign with the Oakland A’s after he was their 1st pick and 9th overall selection in the June 2018 first year player draft. Today, Murray revealed that he would need to make money comparable to that of an NFL first round draft pick in order to stick with baseball.

To put things in perspective the last pick of the 1st round in the 2018 NFL Draft, Lamar Jackson, has around $8 million in guaranteed money over the next four years.


We already know that Kyler is dominant in two sports. He is probably the only athlete to be drafted in the first round of two major sports. Therefore…Kyler is 2/2 at being amazing at sports. Scientifically his skills could translate to any other sport.


According to USA Today, Floyd Mayweather made $285 million in 2018. To put things in perspective, that is a difference of $280,340,000. The entire Oakland A’s payroll last year was $107 million according to the one page I looked at. If we were to compare Kyler with Floyd, the largest athletic difference is Floyd has zero Heisman trophies.


According to Forbes, Soccer stars Lionel Messi and Christiano Ronaldo took home $84 Million and $61 Million. Keep in mind, neither player uses their hands when they play. Kyler can throw and hit. Since he would be using two more appendages than they currently use we could double the salaries. In Kyler money that would be $168 Million and $122 Million.

Formula 1

Lewis Hamilton took home $42 Million driving race cars last year. As far as I know, Kyler has his driver’s license. He also already has a helmet. Easy transition for the Heisman winner.


At the end of the day, Kyler is young. He has plenty of options out there for him. There is no need to rush to a decision.


Reasons To Root Against Each Team Heading Into NFL Conference Championship Weekend 2019


In 2004 I watched from the stands of PGE Park as Ndamukong Suh disgraced the OSAA 4A state semi-finals by punching opponents and subsequently chucking his helmet at the concrete wall of that historic stadium. There I was, a 15 year old boy, in shock from what I saw. Did he not realize what a bad example he was setting for me, a high school sophomore? I vowed that I would never display that kind of behavior on the gridiron. Luckily for me, and the city of Portland, I was given the opportunity to re-invigorate the city two years later with my legendary performance in the 2006 state semi-finals with 144 rushing yards and 2 touchdowns. As I was carried off of the field by my teammates that day in 2006 I swore I would never root for Ndamukong Suh.

Saints 38 – Rams 13


Toby Gerhart should have won the Heisman trophy in 2009 over Mark Ingram. Gerhart averaged 5.7 yards per touch with 2,028 yards and 28 touchdowns. Ingram averaged 6.5 yards per touch with 1,992 yards and 20 touchdowns.

Rams 27 – Saints 17


The Chiefs waived WR and BYU hero Mitch Mathews on August 30, 2016. I have a feeling they will be wishing they had his Hail Mary catching abilities in this game.

Patriots 49 – Chiefs 45


Former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez was charged with first degree murder. I have always been and I will forever remain anti-murder. When asked about it by head coach Bill Belichick, Aaron Hernandez lied to the coach and said he was not involved. Any coach that has dishonest players does not have their respect. If you don’t have your players respect you will eventually lose the locker room.

Chiefs 52 – Patriots 24


The Decision: Picking A Favorite Hockey Team In A City Without Hockey

As the football season comes to an end I am searching for something big to fill that void. I am hoping that Hockey can fill that dark orifice left deep inside me in the absence of all of those football players.

The Process for Selection

I have a number of situations that teams have to make it through in order to become my favorite hockey team. I will continue to eliminate teams until there is one team standing; my new favorite team. Becoming my favorite hockey team comes with a number of perks. You get my undying support, however, you will only maintain my interest as long as you are fun to watch (San Francisco Giants, make some offseason moves bro).

The categories are as follows:
– Best Logos
– Would I actually want to visit that city?
– Has this team been linked to racism in any way?
– Does the logo look like a penis?
– Rambling Reasoning

– Final Three
– The Decision

Best Logos

Primary logos for all NHL teams were sorted into four categories: Great, Good, OK, Bad. Because there are other factors at play later on, I have decided to eliminate the teams that fall within the bad column.

All logos were obtained from

Sorry to Anaheim, Arizona (Phoenix?), Calgary, Carolina, Columbus, Florida, New Jersey, Ottawa, and Dallas. You have been eliminated.

Would I Actually Want to Visit This City?

Being on the West Coast, many of these places would be a pain to visit. There are quite a few places that I can’t imagine that I would ever visit. I have no idea in what scenario I would ever go to Buffalo, Edmonton, Pittsburgh, Winnipeg, New York (Long Island?) or Detroit. Those teams are out.

Some places landed on here because there is a slim chance I could go there. Drake seems to like Toronto quite a bit. Vince Carter did some dunks there. The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Minnesota has a huge mall. St. Louis was home to the great home run race of 1998.

The yes column is full of places I have either been to, or could imagine myself visiting. I have been to Vancouver, Tampa Bay, Los Angeles, and San Jose. I could imagine myself wanting to go to Nashville, Colorado (Denver), Washington, and Vegas at some point.

The other remaining teams are in the “Yes I would want to visit that city” column because they are attached to a historic baseball team or stadium (Boston, Chicago, New York).

We have the following lucky teams remaining; Chicago, Vancouver, Boston, New York, Tampa Bay, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Colorado, Los Angeles, Nashville, San Jose, Vegas, and Washington.

Has This Team Been Linked to Racism in Any Way?

This section of the of the selection process is where I really wanted to take a look at who I am as a person. What do I value? How do I want to be perceived? Answer: Not as a racist.

I will simply type location and name of the team, followed by the word “racist” in google to see what pops up.

Yikes. While I applaud the Blackhawks for banning the fans, I simply do not want to be associated with this kind of fandom. Chicago is out.

Oh man, Boston is out.

This article looked intriguing. I decided to check it out. In an incredible turn of events, two teams were simultaneously eliminated.

Apparently, this guy was suspended in the minor leagues twice for saying something that was either homophobic, racist, or sexist. Sounds like a poor bet to support a team with this kind of a personality this day in age. Tampa Bay is out for drafting him, New York is out for acquiring him.

Time to Reflect…

At this point, I was wondering if I would ever find a favorite hockey team. I had already eliminated many teams for looking like they had logos that were a combination of XFL teams and teams from the Madden football relocation team generator. Beyond that I was starting to understand that there may be a racism problem in hockey. I had only googled three teams and the word racist, and I ended up eliminating four teams in the process.

The latest teams to be eliminated are; Chicago, Boston, New York and Tampa Bay. We are left with the following teams; Vancouver, Colorado, Los Angeles, Nashville, San Jose, Vegas, Minnesota, Washington, Philadelphia, Toronto and St. Louis. At this point I decided to pivot away from the racism searches and try a new approach.

Does a Silhouette of the Logo Kind of Look Like a Penis?

Let’s evaluate the penises I discovered within the logos. Vancouver is rocking huge balls with a floppy schlong. Washington is going with triple dicks. Philadelphia is chodey. Toronto is flying with an aerial view. St. Louis has a pretty regular looking boner, with some possible flames coming out of the top.

I am not surprised that there are hidden penises in some NHL Logos. People have been hiding penises in artwork for years. While I appreciate the Easter egg within these logos, I simply do not want to be made fun of because dick jokes are so easy to make.

We are left with: Colorado, Nashville, Los Angeles, Vegas, San Jose and Minnesota.

Rambling Reasoning

Now we get to the point where I can’t really categorize my thought process, we just have to filter through some nonsense to eliminate a few more teams.

Nashville – Your team is called the Predators. Brings to mind other kinds of Predators. Not a good look. Nashville is out.

Vegas – For a new team, you were incredibly successful in your first year. However, and I can’t take credit for this, it was recently brought to my attention that the Vegas uniform resembles that of a German WWII uniform. Vegas is out.

Minnesota – Teams from Minnesota are constantly talking about Prince, or how Prince was from Minnesota. Straight-up, I don’t care about Prince and his music was garbage. He was an odd looking little dude. Minnesota is out.

Final Three

The Decision

It is time to make a decision. I have missed the early signing period and teams are starting to make plans without me. While I do value all that each city has to offer, I have to go with my heart here. Being that I am originally from the Bay Area…

Go Sharks!
– Buzz

Kevin Love And Klay Thompson Ruined My Little League Dreams But Who Is The Better Baseball Player Now?

On a midsummer night in July of 2001, my little league dreams were shattered. Every all-star dreams of making the trek out to Williamsport and living out their fantasy of playing on ESPN against a team from Asia in the finals. However, a couple of future NBA all-stars discarded my aspirations that fateful night. I was on the team that lost in the district championship to the team Kevin Love and Klay Thompson played on. Looking back on it 18 years later, the question still lingers….who became the better baseball player in the end?

To keep this unbiased, as I am one of the dogs in this fight, I will make my arguments purely statistical in nature.

Baseball Statistical Breakdown

The best way to analyze athletes from a statistical perspective is to give a blind sample. I will provide season by season statistics to help evaluate each player, in the end I will reveal which stats belonged to who. All stats were from seasons in which players were 18+ years old.

2009 Season

Pretty easy decision here. Player 1 stands out the most. It appears that Player 1 may have been a bench player that season. While their at bats were limited, they had a pretty solid on base percentage. Not a bad batting average either. Like they say, if you succeed 3/10 times in baseball you are a hall of famer. How does 3.33/10 look Cooperstown?

Player 1 – 1 pt Player 2 – 0 pts Player 3 – 0 pts

2010 Season

Once again, there is a player that stands out. You would have liked to have seen more from Player 2 and Player 3 in the 2010 season. While the numbers dipped a bit for Player 1 this year, I have to say that it was nice to get, I mean, for them to get more playing time this season. Player 1 also dramatically increased their number of stolen bases this year.

Player 1 – 2 pts Player 2 – 0 pts Player 3 – 0 pts

2011 Season

I hate to sound like a broken record, but wow, more of the same. Player 1 doubled their amount of stolen bases. Player 1 was also able to get their homers totals back up this season. Player 2 and Player 3 struggled at the plate, not even producing a single at bat or plate appearance.

Player 1 – 3 pts Player 2 – 0 pts Player 3 – 0 pts

2012 – 2016

All three players took time off from baseball for five seasons. Maybe it was because they were struggling so mightily with the sport (Player 2 and Player 3)? Maybe they just wanted to be lazy because they graduated college and didn’t feel like being active any more?

2017 – The Return

Wow. Incredible. Five seasons without picking up a bat and Player 1 comes out of the gates with a .321 AVG and .446 OBP. This was probably a wood bat league, so it is incredible to see their numbers at this level after so much time off. While Player 2 and Player 3 matched Player 1 in HR and SB, Player 1 edged out both players in the all important triples category. Another point for Player 1.

Player 1 – 4 pts Player 2 – 0 pts Player 3 – 0 pts

2018 Season

You are only as good as your most recent game. In this case you are only as good as your most recent season. Player 1 was able to get their homerun totals back up to their regular number. While Player 2 and Player 3 remained consistent, it ended up not being enough in the end.

Player 1 – 5 pts Player 2 – 0 pts Player 3 – 0 pts

Blind Reveal – Who is the best baseball player?

Now you may be thinking, it is pretty obvious that one of the NBA champions is the best baseball player currently. Normally I would have to side with you there. However, as we have seen from our statistical breakdown, Player 1 is the runaway winner. The true identity of player one is….


– Buzz