My Dad Pulled The Most Alpha Move Of All Time

Boys night – I went to the movies with my brother and my dad. We saw 1917 – a war movie – duh. We got our concessions, and used the the priority line at the AMC. Nobody was in the regular line, but if I’m paying for it, I’m using it.

My dad is a big time popcorn guy. You want butter sir? Lots. He’s also a salt guy too. AMC has done this thing where they no longer have the salt packets and the napkin/salt counter. They just have salt shakers. This AMC theater only has three shakers out at a given time.

Most people use the shaker at the counter and head into the theater. Then they get halfway through their bucket of popcorn and wish they had more salt. My dad is a problem solver. He walks over to the counter and takes an entire salt shaker and heads towards theater 8.

My brother said, “What are you doing – taking the whole thing? There are only three.”

My dad said, “not my problem – they should have packets.”

My brother looked at me and said, “that’s the most baller move ever.”

Three ballers seeing a war movie. Doing boy things. Stealing salt shakers.

– Buzz

AMC’s A-List: The Dark Side To Paying A Premium

The other day I strolled into the auditorium five minutes after my movie was supposed to start. (AMC is usually good for about 25 minutes of trailers before a movie). That should be plenty of time to order my large Coca-Cola and pretzel bites and make it to my seat – especially considering I pay a premium for AMC’s A-List.

Here are the benefits of AMC’s A-List:
– You can see up to three movies per week.
– Concession discounts.
– Premiere member only lane at concessions and ticket counters.

Unfortunately for me the staff at my theater does not respect the high society perks that I am believed to have signed up for.

To buy snacks you have two options – enter to the right between the black ropes, endure the switch back lanes on your way to the register. The other – to the left, a shorter line between golden ropes. In theory a ticket to cut the line. BUT GOD DAMNIT – I AM MADE TO FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE EVERY TIME I USE MY GOLDEN LANE.

The peasants in my community are so confused by what I am doing in the other (golden) lane. They seem to think I am trying to cut them. I am not trying to cut them – I AM CUTTING THEM – that is what I paid for. I am better than them.

Then comes the moment, the one that everyone is waiting for. Will the lone concessions attendant signal to me to come up – even though I got there just a second ago? Or are they going to signal to the single mother with her three children – the one that has been waiting in a long line for about 10 minutes?

I know what is right in this situation – but does AMC? No, the 18 year old at the counter waves the woman up – and gives me a look. The look says everything.

“Sorry Buzz, I know that you have priority – but societal standards say that I should let this woman come up first.“

You know what I have to say AMC? Apology not accepted.

– Buzz